Kim Wilborn of the “Guardian Gateway” explains how to FULLY EXPRESS yourself at THIS Page. Below are the 4 Steps in summary.
Long post follows, but provides “food for thought”.
Step One: Get clear about where you are, and are not, expressing yourself.
Step Two: Get to know yourself more fully.
Step Three: Recommit to what’s important to you.
Step Four: Enlist the help of a non-physical support team.
Please go to Kim’s page to read the details as I am sure you will get something from it. In my case, I feel that I am between Step 1 and Step 2. Recently the “energies” have meant that ALL of us human beings have been reviewing aspects of ourselves and what “life” means to us, to tweak or refine our normal mode of response to such. For example, I am not usually an angry person, at least I don’t usually express anger through an angry demeanour or tone of voice, but lately I felt that I HAD to do that in my workplace, because things there have been so “cuckoo” (or bizarre). I realise I was just getting to know what really annoyed me so that I could best deal with it by, in the future, transmuting that level of anger into just a mild annoyance.
It can be really hard to be compassionate or “understanding and forgiving” toward others, and I am slowly working out for me anyhow, that before I can do that I have to take the Steps above that Kim has laid out.
Regarding Step One, I have found that I actually need to be more assertive in the Workplace, BY valuing myself and communicating with clear strong words and intention, and getting noticed for someone whom is “powerful” in the sense of being competent and knowledgeable, and whom has to be respected in order for those around me to fully tap into my power.
I have to “lead” not by doing things for others, but by teaching others to do things for themselves. That can be somewhat annoying, especially to start with and if you are someone whom thinks everyone should know what to do and should just do it. It can be frustrating or annoying or both to show others how to do things if you don’t have much “time” for it or you think they should be able to do it for themselves. For example, next week I will be training the sixth person in my small team at work, and my having to train people and supervise new people whom need ALOT of supervision has put me way behind with my normal tasks.
I started to feel “lost” a few months back and it was an awful feeling – I went into work – thinking why am I not doing what I signed up to be doing? I went home and said to my partner, “I hate my job now”. However, “time” since then has passed, and I realise that it was (and is) all a LEARNING CURVE. I now do not hate my job, but that is not to say that I want to stay in my job.
I believe the microcosm somehow reflects a macrocosm. I believe that what I focus on grows.
Based upon the above premise of mine, I thought well, what did I sign up to be doing? I am still working on the answer as far as my “bigger picture” goes.
I had to learn the hard way how to look after myself. I had spoken to my Manager, especially as he had said to us to tell him if we had too much work to do or if we felt stressed, BUT I soon found out that he was not a source of support when I wanted it “back then”. For example, we did tell him about a small change we wanted but he just fobbed off what we wanted and didn’t do a single thing about it. He tried to down-play its significance and side-stepped the issue, to our astonishment, and when I pointed out what the actual issue was for us and why, he took no notice. This, I assume, was because he did not want to “rock the boat”, i.e. he was scared of “telling someone else involved what to do.”
I think that during these INTENSE times after the “Mayan end of the world times of 2012” that each one of us is required to –
Finely analyse her (or his) own stimuluses (things that happen to oneself externally & internally) and examine them in great detail – to EXTRACT a lesson or a learning from it !!
In this case above, it was no use me remaining angry with my Manager, especially when I realised that “what goes around comes back”, meaning that he had not made that change that we logically requested, and so when such in-action rebounds upon the Team in a significant way (which I am sure that it will) then it will be “pay back”. I don’t mean this in a nasty way at all, but just simply as one of the Laws of “Give and Take”. In this example, he gave us nothing and so he will soon have to take or reap the fruits of that. At that point of time, he will then realise that avoidance measures could have been taken if he had respected our request, and not only that, don’t forget that the “Watchers” will be watching. Other people around will also be cognisant of what is happening (because of course I will be telling people that we had asked him to help us but he had decided not to).
This incident also taught me that I have to look after msyelf somehow, or some other way, other than turning to my “boss” for help in tweaking the “system”. How did I then achieve this?
I did this through realisations such as that of the “Law of Give and Take” (or whatever Universal Law resonates with you) and through balancing my self-responsibility with being supportive of others through direct means and trying to “shape” or “mold” them into being more self-sufficient, and through releasing others to walk their own Pathways (such as in the instance of my manager as described above).
I tend to love helping everyone (too much sometimes) and believe that I am able to see the “big picture” usually. I have a very firm mind-set about what I think needs to be done in order for everything to be performed well, that is, I have my ideals.
When my ideals are not met, I tend to get stressed and take it wholly upon my own shoulders to try to achieve them.
Some good friends at work have also helped me to “put myself first” in terms of setting my boundaries, so that I can focus upon what “the machine” (my workplace) expects of me. In other words, they have helped me to understand that I am entitled to carry out the tasks that I am supposed to be doing. It can be hard to stick to your delegated tasks, because some of your team members can, in subtle ways, take advangatge of you, and let you take on the lion’s share of the job or take on tasks that are theirs.
Slowly the idea of “I am not the Manager” is sinking in, meaning I can relinquish the feeling of responsibility that I usually have for tending to all the small details, which include details that the Manager or others should ideally be tending to.
It can be exhausting when you take yourself out of your own “jurisdiction” and try to take on others responsibilities. If anyone reading this does this, please take it from me that you have to LET GO, so surrender your tendency to fuss over and control everything. Just see what has to be done and feel the frustration and your initial unhappiness or worry or annoyance, but then LET IT GO.
It is not your responsibility. You are doing your best to support others directly when they ask for it and to communicate to others that there is a civil or moral way of doing things – and through subtle or polite means, you should be able to convey to them that the moral path does not include taking advantage of you.
For example, in my workplace, somebody who can probably be described as a little hyperactive was always asking me questions every ten minutes, even before I had even sat down at my desk when I walked into the office, so eventually I told her “let me open my mail first before asking me questions” and to save up her questions and ask me questions every hour or so, NOT every 5 minutes. I also told her and a newer person NOT to ask me any questions at all if they could help it, but to ask the Manager questions. This is because in my job role I am not even the Supervisor. I could never get much of my own work done with being asked questions all the time.
My Manager said my JDF (job description form) was being reviewed and technically I was not the Supervisor. They just let me train and supervise all the new people, because I started doing it in the first place without being asked. So with this new person starting next week, I will train her for a couple of days as I actually want to train her, but I am going to tell her after that to ask the Manager questions because he is the supervisor (and I don’t have time to train her and assist her further because I am now working part-time). I have already told the Manager this is what I will be doing, and why.
We have a work experience student on Mondays and last Monday the manager asked me what shall we give her to do, and I said “I don’t know, why don’t you look at the work we have got to do and decide?” I am proud of myself for saying that. I am truly getting fed up with giving the idea that I am willing to do other people’s jobs, so I am putting the onus back where it should be, on them. At the same time, I am trying to be realistic and not too judgemental, while remaining appreciative of all the good fortune that I do have.
An example of being realistic is that I used to ask my previous Manager questions before she sat at her desk too, but one day she said crossly to me to wait until she had got settled in. First, when something happens to annoy you, before immediately blaming or getting angry with the perpetrator, stop and think, wait a moment have I msyelf ever done something like that?
Face the Truth – there’s a saying about what you see others as is just a MIRROR of what you are like or have been like yourself !!
In this case, I was astonished to remember I had done that myself one day, so I didn’t “point score”, that is I didn’t add that to a tally of grievances about that person, recognising that she had been asking questions before I had settled into work, just like I had done once with my Manager. I always think about why things happen, and decided the reason for the situation above is because both that person and I want to get things done, and have great belief and faith in the person we are asking questions of, while at the same time, we are on a sort of “auto pilot”, just going about our business, somewhat sub-consciously. That is, we did not think before we did, in this case, we did not think “I’ll just let her get settled into work first before I bombard her with questions.”
So, I recognised the personality of the person asking me the question, and I said to her that opening the mail was important and had to be done first, and could she please wait until I had done that before asking me questions. This was also predicated upon past experiences with her when she had bombarded with inane questions before I had sat at my desk, questions that were not a priority for anyone but her, because she wanted the answers to get on with her own work. I had to teach her that there are overall priorities within the whole team and they may very well not be her personal priorities.
My advice is when people annoy you – don’t tally up grievances because if you do that it will just make you twisted and bitter.
A psychologist once told me that we move from a state of annoyance to anger to resentment to bitterness to hatred.
What is the use of Hate? Instead of hating, why not focus upon the positives in life and the positive things you can personally do yourself? Which leads me to the small things in Life that can nurture you. For example, I have been at my workplace for 4 years now and when my Manager went on two week’s leave recently, his manager (one of the Directors) said to me “we should have put you on HDA (which is Higher Duties Allowance) and made you the Manager while xxxx was away.”
I was astonished but very pleased as this was a resounding acknowledgement of my capability. Furthermore, that same Director has told me not to worry about the fact that I have not been able to carry out my own job to the “normal” level, because he will be able to explain why that has been the case if ever necessary. This has been a wonderful and unexpectd source of support for me.
Yes, your immediate work team members can say they appreciate things about you, but sometimes you may find it not ENOUGH, and you may even doubt their intentions.
However, this, I find, will be because you have not done the inner work to recognise your own culpability in the process, and / or because you are not VALUING YOURSELF enough. You are NOT responsible for others being responsible, but you are responsible for understanding why things happen and for conducting yourself so that you do fully express yourself and co-create what you need and want.
Hold your head high and be proud of yourself for all your very many achievements, and for your niche or your part in the whole of “Life.” Remember, that what you focus on, GROWS.
Believe in a safe and secure world for yourself and your loved ones, and in a BETTER world soon for all.
That is me for today – expressing myself within Step 2.
Best wishes with your expressions !
From Star Wise aka Celine